She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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