with your own penis?
I'm jealous of your bromance
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
