went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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