you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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