i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
