you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
