Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
