I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
