I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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