Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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