he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
