I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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