I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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