I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
