We won't sleep together?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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