There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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