She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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