I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
