i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
