I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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