he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
he just fucked me for my cheese..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
