im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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