Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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