is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
