Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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