It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
