Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
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