Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
