Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
