So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
