so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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