sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
