think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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