Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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