I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
