There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
