On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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