You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
