If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
