dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
