I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
