now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
