Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
