So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
