you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
