if you like me you must not know who I am
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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