So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
