Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
