He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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