I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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